Ok here is how the story goes. I thought hard to come up with a tribute for my wife on her birthday. Little did I know that I will incur the wrath of Uncle B, my kinsman. We had done a photo shoot to commemorate our fourteenth year anniversary. It was the perfect picture.By midday I had five missed calls from Uncle B. When I finally got through to him, he bellowed- 'I realize you don't know who you are. I am offended that an African man of your repute would lower yourself to such depths as to bend the knee in front of your wife and do up her shoes for her."
I could not believe my ears. I respectfully asked Uncle to stop. I told him I would call him later in the day as I was at work.
How should I respond to him?
A friend asked me to refer him to an article written by Dayan Masinde, a Nairobi based Kenyan artist titled: "When an African man loves his woman…
So many African men are hurting their women in the name of “African culture”. So many wrongs in society are tolerated because they have been justified by the way African men are perceived to be. It is time to correct these nonconstructive perceptions
1. “An African man can’t tell his woman I love you”
2. “African men are not romantic”
3. “African men must be polygamous”
4. “An African man must have many children scattered all over”
5. “An African man must beat his woman if he loves her”
6. “An African man cannot do house chores”
7. “An African man loves only big women with big assets”
8. ” An African man should be worshiped at home”
9. “An African man cannot be corrected by his woman”
10. ” An African man is a sell-off if he marries a white woman”
11. “An African man must have a big penis”
12. “An African man is not a man if he is not circumcised”
13. “An African man must have a son”
14. “An African man loves his daughter less”
15. “An African man doesn’t cry”
16. “An African man shows no emotions”
17. “Parenthood is for the woman”
1. “An African man can’t tell his woman I love you”
An African man’s heart is not any different from another man’s heart. When an African man loves his car, he will tell people about it and show off; when he loves his success, he will talk about it; when he loves his woman, he will tell her and the world. If a man finds it hard to telling and showing his woman he loves her, that is just his ego taking over or it could be, he actually doesn’t love her. African man, you live only once; if you are truly committed to your woman, what are you waiting for to show love to her? Why are you bothered by what people will think?
2. “African men are not romantic”
It doesn’t matter what colour of skin a man has, when he is attracted to a woman, he will charm and woo her. Romance is not just pulling up a chair for her or writing her poetry; romance is everything a man does to make his woman feel special, melting her heart with deeds and words, looking out for her. African man, why are you in the name of culture excusing yourself from pleasing the woman you used to romance during courtship? Your heart wants to love her, don’t stand in the way
3. “African men must be polygamous”
This line has been used by many African men to justify their affairs. An African man is capable of committing to one woman just as he expects her to commit to only him. African man, chasing after another woman yet you vowed to your wife to be faithful to only her has nothing to do with culture, but everything to do with your weak character and strong levels of selfishness
4. “An African man must have many children scattered all over”
Too many African men are dead beat dads, too many African men have sired children all over. Far too often, it is a common scenario during the death of African man that the women they have been with and their children, show up to want a piece of his inheritance. This is nothing to celebrate, no matter how successful the man is. This is the manifestation of poor leadership. A man leads his home, he brings about order
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